the full stop.

im thinking a lot today.
thinking that what if one day i die. what if i die tomoro? what if i slepp and dont wake up? and left just like that?
i dont wanna die so fast. i dont wanna leave everything everyone behind me just like that. and yet, what can i do to prevent dying? seriously people, dont tel me stay at home. no where is the safest place tho. and i wanna live life to the fullest. how can i stay my life at home? lol
how about my family members? my boyfriends and girlfriends? my boyfriend's boyfriend? my boyfriend's girlfriends? my girlfriend's girlfriends? n my girlfriend's boyfriends? all my friends in short.
they might can live without me. but i cant go and leave all of them aside.
and ofcos the one! you're part of my life.

last time when people is talking about life n death. i would join them, but i always have the thinking like c'mon its far from me la. im only 18! but today i realised life and death is just beside me. i could just leave lidat any secound. may be i cant even finish this post? who knows ryt? but i know i must finish! you people will read my this post okie!
furthermore, the news paper is forcing me to accept that i will die in any second.
people dying every day.
die very very funnily. very unpredically.
his/her own house gate dropped on him/her and die.
a flower pot drop from above, just nice knock him/her and die.
die half way having shower due to electric shock.
die because ppl mis-killed him/her.
people's car crushed on his/her car on the way to thier wedding place, although driving very safely.
die while sleeping or eating with family due to tahan runtuh?
not forgetting tsunami and earthquake?
seeeeeee.. really ridiculus ryt? but all this lead to death. very sad cases.
do they know they are dying soon? anything they wanted to say? or do?
i am very very sket of dying! i dont want to die so young. i really really dont want to leave this world.
why crying very hard wont help living longer?? =(

last time when i came into those "100things to do before you die"
"places to visit before you die". i always do flip through. but like others as usual, fliped trough and place it back. and worse still forget everythg the very next day and tel my self 'buy next time lar. now a levels where got time to read?'
read d so what? i oso got no money to go there' -.-

life and death is beside us. im sket!!!! but hell, i wanna live without fear! live very meaningfully and peacefully!

so many things i wanna say to so many people.
so many things i wanna do before the day come.
but hey, our inbox is always piling.
where got ppl nothing to do one?
i wanna kiss my future husband!
i wanna hug my child and tel him/her that i really proud of him/her!
i haven't go through my adulthood!
my 21st birthday?
my retirement?
i wanna hold a piano grade8 cert.
i wanna hold degree cert/s.
still got master ler?
i wanna make my parents proud of me.
i want my husband feel pround of having me!
arrrrgh! even i achieved all this so what? will i be prepared to leave?
NO!!!!
*i just dont wanna die!


where will i be afetr leaving?
my energy will converted into what? air? sunlight?
is there really god/goddess?
do female god undergoes period?
will male god falls in love with female god?
or fall in love with two female gods in the same time?
is god friendly?
will he/she takes me to heaven?
forget bout hell. i dont wanna go there!
is there such thing like re-born?







im fear.